Loose ends or just fine, can’t figure it out?

So I have been wondering something…what am I waiting for? I don’t know if everyone else feels this same way but it seems like all too often I find myself having this perpetual feeling of ‘waiting for something’. I don’t even know what it is–just something. There are those things, those plans, those times in life that I am actively waiting for like Chiropractic school. When I say I am waiting for it I mean I am waiting until I get done with the last few remaining credits before I can make it finally happen (only have 16 credits to go); but still, there is this nagging feeling in the back of my head like I am suppose to be somewhere, to be something–to be more, or different, or somewhere else, or happier, or not so complacent, or working harder, or not working as hard, or like I am spending my time focusing on the wrong things but then if I don’t focus on the ‘wrong’ things then the ‘right’ things may be impacted. I just feel like I am in this race trying my hardest to get somewhere, a different place or state of mind–something. I can honestly say it is a little overwhelming. Who am I racing? Who am I competing with? I know it sounds like a deep-though to say I may just be competing with myself and as hokey and trite as it may be, I think it may be true. I don’t quite know how to describe this feeling. It’s not quite unsettled and definitely not confused but rather, maybe, purely neurotic ?

The other day I was feeling this way and couldn’t put my finger on why. I am a big list person and plan everything out. Usually I am able to make a check-list, get things out of my head and down on to paper or at the very least write down ideas and thoughts just to get them out of my head and to keep them from circling around my often times manic frame of mind–but this day I couldn’t even think of a list to make, no thoughts to write down and get off my chest, so I just sat there (this is gonna sound a little bit like a fat person ordering a diet coke with their super-sized #6–in no way helpful) and I just scribbled. Not doodled, or sketched, but actually scribbled–just random lines and squigglies, for an entire 15 minutes! It was oddly therapeutic and calming, as if I was getting my mental train-wreck out of my head and down on paper; never actually resolving any issues or problems.  I’m sure there is probably some clinical definition for where I am right now in my life but all I can say is tomorrow will come and today isn’t really that bad. Weird, huh?